I WILL get this job

This morning, I was indulging in a favorite pastime of the unemployed. Can you guess what it was? Yes, I was sitting, unshowered, at my kitchen table. And yes, I may have been using the internet and drinking coffee. I was not using recreational drugs or drinking a beer or curled in the fetal position under every blanket I own, but those are all very good guesses.

More importantly, I was perusing Craigslist! For Jobs! Isn't that quaint and so very unemployed of me?

And I think all of my unemployment problems are solved because look what I found:

Sexy Woman Columnist Needed (Union Square)

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Date: 2009-08-25, 11:10AM EDT
Reply to: info@sexification.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Hello Hello

I just started a new site about 2 months ago. www.Sexification.com. It's doing very well. Around 200-250 readers a day, and growing. We have had a few good women columnist, but I'm looking to expand and maybe hire a stable women columnist that the readers can relate to and build a relationship with.

It goes on, mostly filling in two paragraphs of space with the word SEXIFICATION all in caps like that. I will remember this space-filling technique for my next 5-page essay assignment.

Guys, I don't know what SEXIFICATION is, but I think I can do it. I am stable, so, yay, first requirement fulfilled. I will oh-so-calmly and non-eratically perform SEXIFICATION on you, as a sexy women columnist. I don't know if that's a columnist for women or just little old me with multiple personalities (all sexxxxy), but I will soon find out, if I e-mail info@sexification.com. My first point of business will be to suggest that they change that e-mail to SEXinfo@sexificiation.com. See? -- Sexified.

Jurassic Fight Club

I saw a poster up for Jurassic Fight Club, the TV show? Movie? Live (oh pleasepleaseplease) performance? about a week ago, and i have been trying to think of something funny to write about it ever since. Through much internal debate, however, I have decided that NOTHING could possibly be funnier than those three words put together.

Observe:

JURASSIC. FIGHT. CLUB.

Are you freaking laughing your pants off right now? You bet you are. (an added dose of funny - because once you get the JFC ball rolling you can't be stopped - I first wrote this sentence as "are you freaking your pants right now?" you figure it out.)

For added hilarity, check out their oh-so-serious, do-they-really-think-they-are-being-cool-or-is-this-ironic-? art work*:



Crazy handwriting! Blood spatters! Dinosaurs screaming for the noble glory of the kill! Do you feel testosterone, awesomeness and Mountain Dew seeping out of your every pore right now? Well, good because you're watching the History Channel, bitch.

*This version of the art work, I admit, is slightly less awesome than what I've been seeing about town because it actually tells you that this is a TV show featuring CGI dinosaurs as imagined by the History Channel. The posters I have been laughing about only show that middle wordy part, and leave the rest to the magic of fanciful interpretation, hence my confusion at the beginning of this post, wherein I was hoping that Jurassic Fight Club might actually be an audience-participation-enhanced musical theatre dinner show.