Note #1: Honey, just because they're actually women and you pay them a lot doesn't make them classy. Nice try there, though. Imagine if he had been busted for taking part in a "skanky-ass, chlamydia-ridden, reality-TV-ready prostitution ring." Someone give his press people a bonus.
Note #2: When I first saw the headline for this story, I read it to mean that Eliot Spitzer was a high-class prostitute. (insert hackneyed 'politics is full of prostitutes' joke...[wait for it]...here). Wasn't he once known as the Sheriff of Wall Street or some such boondoggle? God, what a great stripper theme -- money and assless chaps. I can see where he would be tempted to try it.
And #3, the real tragedy: Because I am an ignorant, apolitical fool, I didn't really care about his little shenanigans (especially when I could no longer picture our once-esteemed governor showing up at someone's hotel room wearing something sassy).
What I did care about was coming home from my horrible job and winding down with some Jeopardy at 7:00. I fed my fish, removed my shoes and plopped down, only to find Eliot Spitzer's face where Alex Trebek's should be! Coverage of that philandering phool (Spitzer, not Trebek) had superseded all my Daily Doubles and questions posed as answers! Yelling at the face of a stupid politician on TV is simply not as soothing as yelling out answers to esoteric questions. Watching Spitzer apologize for getting caught doesn't make me feel smug -- I still don't know if I am smarter than him, and I certainly haven't won more money -- it just makes me feel shocked a disappointed.
Minor note, 3a: The worst part about the "breaking news" that totally destroyed my evening: it was mostly the News Team talking to "New York Voters" out on the street. The problem: all of their men on the street were people grabbed straight from Times Square. At 7 at night. How many of those people do you think are from New York at all? I don't need to hear that some Ohio tourist is surprised to hear the news about our governor (and no shit you won't vote for him, lady -- we all know you are here to see Spamalot). What I need to hear right now is the name of the second-highest mountain range in the 27th latitude.
Moral: Spitzer ruins lives.
4 comments:
Chalk at least one up for Spitzer:
Because that "philandering phool" chased around some prostitutes in what may or may not have been assless chaps*, I visited this entry (very funny) and clicked a Sponsor Ad -- helping you on your quest to: (a) make money for being funny, and/or (b) take over the coveted "Hater" position (very likely) at the A/V Club with funds received.
* After some serious soul searching (and OED perusal), it has come to my attention that chaps are inherently "assless." Moreover, this is possibly all my fault. I think I used 'assless chaps' when we were musing about Prince this weekend. I'm sorry.
Yeah- what is it with tourists and New York? They're almost as ridiculous as those 20-something-year old transplants from "NOT NEW YORK" (wherever That is! LOLcats) who consider themselves "locals" because they found an apartment with some other 20-something-year old transplants off Craigslist. SHEESH!
=^D laters!
I like to think that he would be wearing a suit made of money, which he would strip to reveal a police uniform, under which you would find be the assless chaps and the seal of NY inked on his asscheek . . . I know that that's a lot of buildup, but I definitely think it would worth it - IN THE END (pun-ny!). Oh, and he would have voluptuous hair.
Speaking of "high class," nice ads, Bell. ;)
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