I made this!

This is what I do in grad school.

The one person you do not want as your opponent in a deadly manhunt

I've thought about this a lot over the years. Some celebrities you really believe you could take on, were you forced to play The Deadliest Game: Larry King, Bob Dylan, most comedians, the Pope, etc. I think I even stand a fighting chance against a few professional athletes, like gymnasts (they're tiny!) and golfers. 

Venus Williams, though, is not a person with whom I would willingly engage in hand-to-hand combat to the death. And neither would you, for the following reasons:

1) She is enormous. The woman is 6'1". If I stood on my dad's shoulders, we might make it to that altitude, but then Venus might be entitled to have Serena on her shoulders to make it fair, and we would still certainly die.

2) She is stunningly fast. Her legs are approximately 6 feet long (see "enormous," above). Her hunting me down would be like a greyhound chasing a corgi. 

3) She has stamina. I might try to run from her, and she might even give me a head start, but I would get tired within a mile. Venus Williams could hunt you day and night without rest. She would run alongside your getaway train, if you managed to snag one, until it stopped the next town over, and then she would get you.

4) She makes terrifying noises. It's one thing to be running through the woods with a giant, muscle-bound, physically superior opponent on your tail. It's another when said opponent is making noises you've only ever heard on Jurassic Fight Club before. As Gerard put it, being on the other side of the net (or ahead of her in the final run of your life), must feel like being a fish and hearing the shriek of an Osprey overhead. It is the sound of something better than you come to put you out of your misery.

Jurassic Fight Club

I saw a poster up for Jurassic Fight Club, the TV show? Movie? Live (oh pleasepleaseplease) performance? about a week ago, and i have been trying to think of something funny to write about it ever since. Through much internal debate, however, I have decided that NOTHING could possibly be funnier than those three words put together.

Observe:

JURASSIC. FIGHT. CLUB.

Are you freaking laughing your pants off right now? You bet you are. (an added dose of funny - because once you get the JFC ball rolling you can't be stopped - I first wrote this sentence as "are you freaking your pants right now?" you figure it out.)

For added hilarity, check out their oh-so-serious, do-they-really-think-they-are-being-cool-or-is-this-ironic-? art work*:



Crazy handwriting! Blood spatters! Dinosaurs screaming for the noble glory of the kill! Do you feel testosterone, awesomeness and Mountain Dew seeping out of your every pore right now? Well, good because you're watching the History Channel, bitch.

*This version of the art work, I admit, is slightly less awesome than what I've been seeing about town because it actually tells you that this is a TV show featuring CGI dinosaurs as imagined by the History Channel. The posters I have been laughing about only show that middle wordy part, and leave the rest to the magic of fanciful interpretation, hence my confusion at the beginning of this post, wherein I was hoping that Jurassic Fight Club might actually be an audience-participation-enhanced musical theatre dinner show.