2) The Rite-Aid (Rite-aid? RITE-AID?) on the corner of 5th St. and 7th Ave.
You all thought I had forgotten this thread, didn't you? You thought the heading on the first go-around was just a clever ploy for bashing the NYT, and, well, it was. BUT no matter how mind-numbingly awful the Times is; no matter how far ahead on the list it lies; no matter how much like the sun the badness of the Times is, in comparison to the other, wee, inconsequential celestial bodies in our scale-model-of-the-universe metaphor for awfulness, there are some other things that manage to similarly melt my face off by force of sheer incompetence and wtf-osity.
One of these things is the neighborhood Rite-Aid.
Even disregarding, momentarily, the stacks upon stacks of never-unpacked/shelved random items (a pile of Heineken mini-kegs once prevented me from getting in the door -- a good situation to stumble upon in my apartment, a bad one when I really need new deodorant), the Rite-Aid stands out as a blackened pit of retail despair.
There is only ever one person manning the 4-register counter. Yes, other people do work there, but they manage to stay far away from any place where they might actually be needed by the customers. There is one particularly charming young lad who sees it as his duty to hide -- freakin' HIDE -- in the lipstick/ladies' hair products aisle. I have been leered at more times than I can remember by this little turd, and still, every time I turn the corner, he manages to freak me out.
What is he doing back there? Does he have an undying passion for categorizing each color of lipstick by a different strategy every morning -- alphabetically, by color family, by the stereotype of womanhood for which they are named (flowers here, shades of sunlight/sunset here)? If that's the case, than he has my utmost sympathy for his lipstick affliction (coincidentally the name of my grrrl rock band), and I beseech the RITE-AID, to bequeath at least one "employee of the month" plaque to him each and every 30-day period, without fail, for his unswerving dedication.
As a matter of fact, the lipstick man is so focused on the incredible task set before him each morning that he can't be bothered to help me when I moved beyond the narrow scope of his interests and into the razor section. This is unfortunate because the razors happen to be locked up -- a situation that forces me, again, to ask the RITE-AID some serious questions, as though it is a sentient being. These questions are along the lines of, "RITE-AID, what sort of rasorial crime could be so horrible as to merit imprisonment in your dank and dusty aisles?"
There are a great number of expensive products in a RITE-AID: fancy face lotions infused with diamonds and the blood of lambs, various barely-legal medications, giant vats of Flintstones vitamins, etc. -- which I can understand wanting to protect against thieving little hands, but a $12 pack of disposable Schicks? Really? Asking Lips mcGee for help in getting those out is just asking to be inched closer to "please get the KY Jelly behind the counter" in the leering spectrum. I don't need that.
Foiled in my attempt to get razors on my last, hellish visit to the RITE-AID (and, yeah, I keep wanting to make a WRONG-AID joke, but that would be embarrassing for everyone involved), I went for the simplest of products: a band-aid. Feeling cheap and surly, I went for the basic RITE-AID brand of "sheer bandages." Upon getting these "sheer bandages" home and attempting to put one on my skin, I discovered that "sheer" in RITE-AID language, means "kinda darkish-tannish and DEFINITELY OPAQUE." Interesting. I don't really mind non-sheer bandages (though they do make it hard to discreetly cover the disgusting random infection that my elbow is currently cultivating), but it's the lying, RITE-AID, that really disappoints me.
1 comment:
When I worked at my pharmacy, Right-Aid was our competition so I can share in your loathing - also we had to keep the cough medicine for diabetics behind the counter because pre-teens were buying it to get high - and we still had to keep it there even after they took the high-inducing ingredient out. Maybe they have started cutting themselves since they can't high at the expense of diabetics anymore?
ps - welcome back!
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