Today is Haircut Day for thelaurenbell, and, in a manner befitting the always-prepared-to-the-point-of-boyscoutyness person that I am, I started looking for some ideas this morning.
After Googling "short hair cuts" (to fit the boyscout theme...?) I was directed to a site with pictures and whatnot. The best thing about this site is that it offered not one, but TWO pages of short haircut ideas: "short haircuts" and "cute short haircuts."
What a relief -- I was really in the market for a cut that hit somewhere in the middle on a scale of plain-to-hideous. Now I don't even have to LOOK at the cute versions, which would only confuse my poor little brain under its thatch of anti-cute hair.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Domino's
Know what I noticed today?
1) Google blogger does not automatically capitalize your "i"s.*
*[footnote in a non-footnote spot. don't care!]: False. I've noticed this before, but I really like complaining about Google. I assume that they spy on my every move and if I just mention something, their evil robot watchdogs will take note, eventually spurring them to stop their wackitude.
2) MORE IMPORTANTLY: When they mail you those totally sweet coupon sheets, Domino's Pizza addresses them to "Domino's Pizza Lover OR Resident of [address redacted]."
I think that is awesomely diplomatic of our good friends at Domino's. It's like saying, "This is a gift for my friend. Or -- OR -- for you, random person! Really, anyone, take it. We just CAN"T STOP GIVING."
For the benevolent Domino's cares not what particular pizza love you profess on the surface, but rather, what you hold in your heart -- which is the knowledge that, if offered to you at half-price and delivered right to your door, you would eat a pizza covered in rot.*
*[footnote in the right place]: Not that Domino's pizza is -- or even tastes like it is - covered in rot. It is magnificently delicious. Thank you, Domino's; I will now collect my royalty check.
1) Google blogger does not automatically capitalize your "i"s.*
*[footnote in a non-footnote spot. don't care!]: False. I've noticed this before, but I really like complaining about Google. I assume that they spy on my every move and if I just mention something, their evil robot watchdogs will take note, eventually spurring them to stop their wackitude.
2) MORE IMPORTANTLY: When they mail you those totally sweet coupon sheets, Domino's Pizza addresses them to "Domino's Pizza Lover OR Resident of [address redacted]."
I think that is awesomely diplomatic of our good friends at Domino's. It's like saying, "This is a gift for my friend. Or -- OR -- for you, random person! Really, anyone, take it. We just CAN"T STOP GIVING."
For the benevolent Domino's cares not what particular pizza love you profess on the surface, but rather, what you hold in your heart -- which is the knowledge that, if offered to you at half-price and delivered right to your door, you would eat a pizza covered in rot.*
*[footnote in the right place]: Not that Domino's pizza is -- or even tastes like it is - covered in rot. It is magnificently delicious. Thank you, Domino's; I will now collect my royalty check.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
USAUSAUSAUSA
I was walking past our friendly neighborhood porn store the other day, when a sign in the window caught my eye.
No, it was not the poster for Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge (a real movie -- whose title I googled for you, dear readers, to avoid the mistake of calling it Pirates II: [Some sort of pun about treasure chests], which would not have been very classy of me.).
The sign -- very small and handwritten on a scrap of cardboard -- said simply "European DVD on sale." This aroused [teeheehee] my curiosity. "Which European DVD?" I asked myself. "Of all the wonderful pornographic cinema exported by our dear trade partners across the sea, which classic film has, fortuitously, become affordable to even the poorest of nudie-film connoisseurs?"
But then, I wondered, Why promote a European DVD? We are in a national economic crisis, Serendib Video Place! Why not promote a good ol' American-made porno? Lord knows our proud porn-trepeneurs right here in the States could use a little help these days. Are our American "hot chicks" not good enough for you? Is there no demand for videos of strapping young PATRIOTS in action? I find that HARD TO BELIEVE.
Obviously, Serendib has some sort of unsavory deal happening -- probably with the French. So I urge you, my fellow Americans, do your part. Support the country. Buy American -- I promise Pirates II will not disappoint. There are probably explosions AS WELL AS sex. That's the American way.
No, it was not the poster for Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge (a real movie -- whose title I googled for you, dear readers, to avoid the mistake of calling it Pirates II: [Some sort of pun about treasure chests], which would not have been very classy of me.).
The sign -- very small and handwritten on a scrap of cardboard -- said simply "European DVD on sale." This aroused [teeheehee] my curiosity. "Which European DVD?" I asked myself. "Of all the wonderful pornographic cinema exported by our dear trade partners across the sea, which classic film has, fortuitously, become affordable to even the poorest of nudie-film connoisseurs?"
But then, I wondered, Why promote a European DVD? We are in a national economic crisis, Serendib Video Place! Why not promote a good ol' American-made porno? Lord knows our proud porn-trepeneurs right here in the States could use a little help these days. Are our American "hot chicks" not good enough for you? Is there no demand for videos of strapping young PATRIOTS in action? I find that HARD TO BELIEVE.
Obviously, Serendib has some sort of unsavory deal happening -- probably with the French. So I urge you, my fellow Americans, do your part. Support the country. Buy American -- I promise Pirates II will not disappoint. There are probably explosions AS WELL AS sex. That's the American way.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
WEIRD!
"i don't want to change my fucking password, assholes" does not produce any results when you search Google Help!
What kind of help is that?
Surely someone has had the exact same problem before and has sought to correct Google's unreasonable assumption that, just because my password is what they would deem "weak" (i beg to differ! it is AWESOME, the opposite of weak!), I would want to change it.
Seriously, Goog, who is trying to break into thelaurenbell.blogspot.com? Who? I scoff at the idea.
If anyone were to break into my account, I can only assume it would be to update my blog for me -- something that i am sure we would all appreciate. Thank you, Google, for foiling the good, secret deeds of others by being the opposite of serviceable.
What kind of help is that?
Surely someone has had the exact same problem before and has sought to correct Google's unreasonable assumption that, just because my password is what they would deem "weak" (i beg to differ! it is AWESOME, the opposite of weak!), I would want to change it.
Seriously, Goog, who is trying to break into thelaurenbell.blogspot.com? Who? I scoff at the idea.
If anyone were to break into my account, I can only assume it would be to update my blog for me -- something that i am sure we would all appreciate. Thank you, Google, for foiling the good, secret deeds of others by being the opposite of serviceable.
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