I WILL get this job

This morning, I was indulging in a favorite pastime of the unemployed. Can you guess what it was? Yes, I was sitting, unshowered, at my kitchen table. And yes, I may have been using the internet and drinking coffee. I was not using recreational drugs or drinking a beer or curled in the fetal position under every blanket I own, but those are all very good guesses.

More importantly, I was perusing Craigslist! For Jobs! Isn't that quaint and so very unemployed of me?

And I think all of my unemployment problems are solved because look what I found:

Sexy Woman Columnist Needed (Union Square)

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Date: 2009-08-25, 11:10AM EDT
Reply to: info@sexification.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Hello Hello

I just started a new site about 2 months ago. www.Sexification.com. It's doing very well. Around 200-250 readers a day, and growing. We have had a few good women columnist, but I'm looking to expand and maybe hire a stable women columnist that the readers can relate to and build a relationship with.

It goes on, mostly filling in two paragraphs of space with the word SEXIFICATION all in caps like that. I will remember this space-filling technique for my next 5-page essay assignment.

Guys, I don't know what SEXIFICATION is, but I think I can do it. I am stable, so, yay, first requirement fulfilled. I will oh-so-calmly and non-eratically perform SEXIFICATION on you, as a sexy women columnist. I don't know if that's a columnist for women or just little old me with multiple personalities (all sexxxxy), but I will soon find out, if I e-mail info@sexification.com. My first point of business will be to suggest that they change that e-mail to SEXinfo@sexificiation.com. See? -- Sexified.