Birds

I like birds because they always look pissed off:

Harumph

Hrmm

It's like they think someone is always trying to put one over on them.

Don't test my patience; you certainly DID say TWO worms!

Sometimes I want to grab them by their feathery little bird-shoulders and shake them and yell, "You can fly! Why are you so angry?" The ability to fly is distinctly the opposite of getting screwed, so I say shut it birds.

But what if it's flying that makes them so upset?

Maybe flying is difficult. The look in those inky little eye sockets is not one of rage, exactly, but more like they're thinking too hard about something that is annoying. Maybe instead of going "Wheeeeeeeee!" and giggling, they have to spend all of their air-time calculating velocities, angles and trajectories, trying to remember the wind patterns that were reported that morning, and generally avoiding Death By Long-Ass Fall.

Then again, don't all animals have a mega-load of highly-technical life functions to work out on a daily basis, and - lacking our giant, wonderful human brains - have only a mini-load of cranial power with which to do it?

Horses have to deal with FOUR legs and stomach-aches of DEATH and trying not to crush weak and tiny humans like bugs, but they only look pissed off some of the time:

Mostly they look cool and noble and maybe a little bored. This horse says to me, "Pssssh - FOUR legs! Give me SIX! EIGHT! Centihorse will rule the world!" Also, "Grass. Mmmmm."

Horses, of course, don't have to worry about falling hundreds of feet to their death if they forget what they're doing.

Monkeys, though, are high up in trees (sometimes), and, except for the ridiculous looking cartoon monkeys from Planet of the Apes (seriously? It's 2011, and that's the best we can do for movie magic? They look like paint by numbers with teeth.), monkeys also have a relaxed look. Squirrels? Relaxed. Flying squirrels? Super-relaxed because flying is awesome. Fish in water currents? Relaxed/stupid.

The birds, then, really have no excuse, at least where flying is concerned.

I like watching them anyway because tiny, unreasonably angry things, impotent in the face of their rage, are almost always funny.

(I Googled "tiny angry thing")