United Airways, in their limitless good judgment and wisdom, has decided that the best possible entertainment for a 4 hour flight to Las Vegas is:
1) The Hulk, starring Ed Norton
2) A 2-year-old episode of The Office (Halloween, first season)
3) An hour-long (possibly longer) History Channel special on hotdogs.
There are so many things wrong with this.
Even ignoring the flat-out bad-ness that is The Hulk -- why would you kick off a lengthy flight with something full of explosions, violence and growling mutants? That is not the sort of thing that puts your passengers at ease. In fact, it is just the kind of thing that gets passengers like me worried because what are you going to do if someone gets all hulked up on this plane over the desert? That’s what I thought.
We’re going to totally ignore the Office thing because it’s mostly benign and it’s too random for me to think about.
Okay, the hotdog thing. Maybe I’m just 8 years old here, but I cannot take a History Channel show seriously when it is wholly composed of lengthy, loving shots of flaccid brown penis-looking things. People holding the penis tenderly in their fingers. People posing next to the penis and smiling. Penis after penis shooting off a conveyer belt.
Even if no one else’s mind went there, a hotdog is a weird thing to highlight because no matter how freaking delicious they are (and they are), they are disgusting sacks of chopped up, nameless meat pieces. No one wants to learn about that. No one wants to see extended factory shots of the meat bits getting stirred.
It’s bad and it’s wrong and it’s making me hungry. (That’s what she said).
3 comments:
This is funny. You should post more often!
Um...fooking Yikes, L.E.Bell! I've never read/heard someone be so... aversive? to genitalia- faux or otherwise.
Also, that seriously sounded like my Dream-flight-programming. The only thing that would've made that flight better would be complimentary long islands, cheetos (baked!), and a hotdog* cart.
*Please note I said 'hotdog' and not 'PENIS-shaped-ThingAHHH!' =^D
On the flight back from Cambridge (woo!) I started watching the first episode of Lost and then I realized that everyone was looking on in horror as I watched the opening scene and all of its plane-crashing glory. Needless to say I switched it off quickly, before someone punched me in the face.
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