Reader, you have no idea how happy I am about to make you. Happier than any other blog. Happier than you dreamed you could be, before you met me. The happiest...ooooo, girl...you've ever felt. Sit back, and let the smooth smooth stylings of seminal 90s pop group Color Me Badd wash over your pretty eyes and ears.
Wow. Just wow, and you're welcome.
In case some of you are not technical geniuses like thelaurenbell and cannot watch this video, a brief narration follows:
Girl, I know you miss me. I miss you too, bAbY! Hey, I have an idea -- watch this dance video that my bros and I made, out by the railroad tracks. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and sexy-like?
No? Well, look girl, I know you're classy. How's about this giant office? You know, the one with the candles. Naw, girl, I didn't get those just for you -- we're a candle company -- but you can think that if you want. If it makes you feel sexxxxy.
My boys here, they got the "dangerous/sexy" thang covered. Doesn't being trapped in an elevator with a stranger give you the lovemaking tingles? You know I know it does.
So here's what we got, baby, a smorgasbord of pleasure. At home alone? Bam, got you covered. Boardroom? You know it. Elevator? Ohhhhh yeahhh. Party? Bring it on, lover! We'll go in this closet -- you know I'd go anywhere and everywhere for you!
Baby, we'll do it all night. "Until we both wake up." That's right, I can even do it when I'm asleep, that's the extent of my love for you. I love you so bad, baby, I will physically pleasure you far beyond the point of normal human endurance, until we are both exhausted and pray for a quick end. But I'll keep going because that's what a real man -- a man who loves his lady -- does. OooooOOOoooOOOoo.
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